Christmas reunions and such

For the sake of looking back.....

Saturday after Christmas we went to my parents house. This is the second time we have been there since the summer of 2013.

Last year I left this place a ghost town because there were matters weighed so heavy on my heart that to even begin to write here I risked letting them leak onto this space. I am not a private person and I'm sometimes a little too open with my heart. In reality, this is not just my story to tell and this place here that I've shared so many emotions is not really a safe haven. We are always accountable for our words and the stories we share. If not now, one day.

Coley showered my family with wonderful and numerous gifts, as usual.

I made her some cheap felt ornaments, as usual.

I haven't seen this little one since the day they left our care two summers ago. I don't know when I'll see her again. I don't know a lot of things but I do know I love her in a way that is real, in a way that doesn't always fit others expectations.
But I know it's true. I love her.

Hadn't seen Erik in near as long. He's disconnected from me which is natural under our family's estranged state and also his teen age.

And dear, dear Locke. You always stay the same friendly and neutral good guy that you've always been. Bless you, brother! 

Tiny Christmas Day: A very late post

For the sake of looking back and I figure late March isn't too far off from Christmas to post (?)

.......................................

Our Christmas was quiet, small, just us. No one coming, no one going.

It was the best yet.....

I finally relinquished custody of Barbie's corvette over to Ava. It's been sitting at the top of my closet for over two years waiting for the moment she was mature enough to not break it. I also had to mature enough to let others play with my toys, admittedly. 

Yes, to my shame.... 

Returning

Yesterday was our first day of Spring break and it rained so much our yard was flooded.

We all spent the day lazily attached to various movies and small devices, something I notice has been creeping more and more into our lives. It's really disconcerting.....

I spent some time looking back on this space and it was pretty bittersweet. I'm so glad I documented our lives, its such a gift to be able to revisit those images and it's amazing how even the emotions of those days are stirred up! 

 My children won't stop growing no matter how terribly I feed them and I'm just going to have to get used to that. I'll also need to be more mindful of capturing the heart of this time because literally, I shut my eyes out of exhaustion and a year went by.....

 Well, I'm rested now 

 and I've put some things and people behind me that kept me tired.

I hope to be me again, actually I hope to be a little better.

Golden years

The night that my kids finally figured this out like all kids must do.

It's like a right of passage or something......

Yesterday Gabe said he didn't want to hold my hand anymore.
These little days are rolling on through and I'm not quite ready. I get comments from people often about how great it'll be when they are all of to school and asking me if I'm glad that the stay at home years are just about over. 

My initial response to that would most certainly be offensive so I just politely say

"Not quite yet."

These are the real golden years. 

Old age and family dispersement doesn't feel too golden to me...

Gabe's birthday: The Inbetween's

There was so much, too much good stuff .....
With the most image heavy post in this blog's history,
here are the in between moments of Gabe's party....

There were kids swingin from anything weighed down......

Selfies with tweens....

New neighbor's who we don't know yet......

Time with Nando before he heads out for Marine Corps.....

Coley making some casual bonding moments with Em.......

Two moms catching up 14 years later.......

Split butts gettin sewn up.....

Feelin like a king in the hands of a fair maiden......

Being derpy.....

Dancin all fancy......

Dramatic falling outs between a couple of the kids.....

Followed by adult mediation.....

And so much more that I'll choose to just keep inside......